Episode #3: "AI" Rhymes with "Why!?"

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Hello. I'm John-Knee LONDON. And this is the third episode of "Word-Swerves: The Podcast." We're the verbal companion to the groundbreaking new dictionary you'll find at Word-Swerves.com. Yes, we say "groundbreaking" because Word-Swerves is the only dictionary of its kind. It's a compendium of newly invented words, rhymes, acronyms, and more that are funny, clever, often caustic, and always have nerve and verve.

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But forget all that for now, because our third episode focuses on something that's even more groundbreaking than Word-Swerves: A.I. Of course, those two letters stand for "Artificial Intelligence," and here's what's really unnerving: Many rabid A.I. users lose sight of the acronym's first word. The word "artificial" distinguishes A.I. from, say, "human intelligence." And the word "artificial" is why -- despite A.I.'s obvious benefit to the world -- people everywhere are afraid of AI's tsunami-like waves of crushing and crashing disruption. Those waves of disruption are monstrous, critics say. So, let's get you in the mood for this episode by listening to the sound of a monster. Are you ready? Don't be scared. It's just a sound -- albeit a sound that signifies danger. Here we go:

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Oooooh. Even John-Knee LONDON froze a bit when we first heard that sound. That sound, we imagine, is the sound that all monsters make, including the "Abominable Snowman." That's the creature that's also called a "Yeti." And we bring up "Yetis" because we wrote a Word-Swerve called “A.I. Is Awry Like a Stye in Your Eye-Ism," which is also referenced as: "Someone who believes that AI has seeped so badly into society that it’s created a malignant monster." The word "Yeti" appears throughout that Word-Swerve definition and its accompanying essay. In fact, here's a bit from that essay, though let's listen to another sound to get us into the mood. We promise this sound won't scare you! In fact, if you're older than, say, 2 years, you've heard this sound many times already!

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No, that's not the sound of a tsunami -- so if you guessed that, well, "good on you," as they say in Australia. Those who recognized the sound of a toilet flush: Cheers, as they say in England since that's exactly what it was. That toilet sound figures prominently in the sound of our Word-Swerve essay about “AI Is Awry Like a Stye in Your Eye-Ism" -- so without further ado, let's hear the essay's key passage:

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You never want to meet a Yeti – especially one that wants to use your toilet seat! No thanks! Yes, the Yeti is a mythical creature that may not really exist. But the A.I. and Yeti analogy is real, as is A.I.'s aim to be an intimate part of your toilet seat. Toilet manufacturers have already incorporated A.I. into practical designs that will tell you how much fecal matter has just emerged from your posterior, how solid it is, and what you should do to quote, "turn any ‘fecal regrets’ into ‘firm, fulsome rewards of your toilet time!’ ”

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Uhhhh. No thanks. No one we know wants AI learning about their excrement and analyzing it – then having the AI recommend a change in your "butt behavior!" Yukkk! But that’s the Yeti way: Barge into your life without permission! They don’t care whether you live or die! That’s why the AI and Yeti analogy is as real as real gets. It's so real that the Acronym Reveal for the Acronym "AI: Why, Why, Why!?" is this:"AgonIzed that the World Has Yielded Wholeheartedly to the Wirings of Human-like Yetis!"

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As you just heard, the last word in that "Acronym Reveal" is "Yetis." "Ahhh," you might ask: What's an Acronym Reveal? Well, you've come to the right podcast since we'll explain it again for those who don't know Word-Swerves already. But before we do that, let's listen to another new sound of this podcast. It's the sound of anticipation. It's a beloved sound you might have heard in a carnival or other magical setting! Are you ready? Great. Here it is:

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You often hear that sound when a magician is about to unveil a big trick. Or when a trapeze artist is up in the air and undertaking a daring move. An "Acronym Reveal" is, indeed, "daring" because it takes the traditional concept around acronyms and completely upends it. In simple language, an Acronym Reveal is the spelled-out version of an acronym. But every acronym we write at Word-Swerves.com is anything but simple. Yes, Word-Swerve acronyms are all fun. So much fun! That's why we write 'em! But they're not "normal" acronyms, which are typically one word in upper case -- and a short word at that, like "AI" and "OMG." The acronym "AI: Why, Why, Why!?" is an example of what we mean. First of all, it's four words long. Some Word-Swerves feature acronyms that have dozens of words! And these acronyms might have hundreds of letters! Here's the tricky part -- and why that carnival sound you heard a few minutes ago is so appropriate: Like the spelled-out explanations of traditional acronyms, Acronym Reveals spell out every letter in a Word-Swerve acronym -- including acronyms with dozens of words and hundreds of letters!

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Yes, we think every Acronym Reveal in our dictionary deserves applause. And here's another reason to applaud: None of those Acronym Reveals are written by A.I. None! Each Acronym Reveal is done "by hand," if you will. They can take hours to write! Sure, many of them only take, say, 15 minutes. But the longest ones can take a long time. We pride ourselves on the "hand-written" Acronym Reveals that we post on Word-Swerves.com. But we also know that these "reveals" can take patience to read because many of the revealed upper-case letters aren't in the beginning of the corresponding words that follow the acronym. Instead: They're in the middle of words! And the ending! So if you go to our website, and look up the definition of "AI: Why, Why, Why!?," you'll see that we give you a beautiful option: A red button that lets you hide all three of the entry's Acronym Reveals. Click the button, and: Voila! All three Acronym Reveals disappear! You're then free to ignore them.

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Yes, we think this deserves applause, too! Giving you options of fun is a key function of Word-Swerves. But before you hit the "hide acronyms" button, try to read our Acronym Reveals! These reveals tell stories! Stories that give greater meaning to the acronyms! And stories that are designed to make you smirk and smile anew! The essays try for the same result! In fact, here's the brief third paragraph of the essay we wrote for "AI: Why, Why, Why!?" -- though we'll give you another drum-roll sound to set the mood:

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Don’t confuse the expression “A.I.: Why, Why, Why!?” with the Chinese artist named Eye Way-Way, whose name sounds a bit similar. In fact, uttering “A.I.: Why, Why, Why!?” at a high-end art gallery will prompt any smart, nearby art-goer to think you’ve directly criticized Eye Way-Way, and will prompt them to engage you in an hours-long discussion about Eye Way-Way’s photography, sculpture, and multi-media artwork. Smart art-goers are as opinionated as anyone else, so look out! And be prepared for a rhetorical stand-off and an argument that could find you quickly on the defensive. So much so that, yup: You'll reach for your phone and ask ChatGPT to argue on your behalf against the smart-sounding fan of Eye Way-Way who's foaming at the mouth in front of you. That's when A.I. suddenly becomes your biggest friend, and the cry of “A.I.: Why, Why, Why!?” quickly turns into "A.I.: Aye, Aye, Aye" – an utterance of gratitude that sounds as if you're in the land of pirates and saying, "Yes, yes, yes!" to a pirate who just saved you from walking a proverbial plank!

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That drum sound is the sound we make when we say something that we think of as funny but that the audience might think of as, well . . . nerdy or nonsensical. But here's something that's worth acknowledging in this third episode: We love alliteration. We love creating expressions and sayings that are fun to say. Life is too short for saying things that are deadly serious all the time. Still, we know that "seriousness" has a definitive place in society -- even when it comes to Word-Swerves. So, let's listen very briefly to a very serious-sounding Eye Way-Way talk about quote, "the Responsibilities of an artist," end quote. What you're about to hear is an excerpt from a talk that Eye Way-Way gave in 2019. Pay particular attention to the last words of this outtake:

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Did you hear it? Eye Way-Way said that, quote, "benefiting others," end quote, is something that every artist has to think about. When we heard him say that, we nodded our head and practically shook our body because the idea of "benefiting others" is at the heart of Word-Swerves! It's at the heart of John-Knee LONDON! And we'll express something that's important to hear: This idea is also a mantra of journalist Jonathan Curiel, who's the creative force behind Word-Swerves. Do you want to hear him talk? We promise he won't be as serious as Eye Way-Way! Promise! So, here goes:

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OK. That's enough of Jonathan Curiel and his inclination to rhyme. I appreciate his shout-out to me and to Eye Way-Way and to today's episode. And as I say on the Word-Swerve FAQ: He's a cool dude, but -- and this is a big "but" -- he isn’t as cool or as smart or as “smart-alecky” as me. I like my voice a lot better than his. And I can do what Jonathan Curiel is always hesitant to do: Consult AI like it's my best friend. If you've gone to Word-Swerves.com and searched up AI in the dictionary, you've seen multiple entries about AI -- and have seen that many of these entries speak to the alarm and caution that many people have about AI. Jonathan is old school about A.I. -- an "OG" who's stumbling into the "Gee-whiz" of AI's potential to quickly give you an answer. But here's where I agree with Jonathan: AI cheats your brain!

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Look up ChatGPT in the Word-Swerves dictionary, and you'll find an entry that explains what we call "ChatGPT A-I Brain-Ism." That entry is also defined this way: Cheating Your Mind's Natural Capacity For Audacity By Chatting Up ChatGPT's Artificial "Brain" Because You Want A Quick Gain Without Any Pain. Nice alliteration. Right? And the illustration with that entry? You'll see two brains side by side. The brain that uses ChatGPT shows a small burst of synaptic swirls. The brain that doesn't use ChatGPT and works on its own to come up with the answer? It has lots and lots of synaptic swirls! Here's what your brain sounds like when it's trying to work on its own. Don't be scared! These sounds resemble a great thunderstorm! You want that sound since it means your synapses are working and your synapses are swirling loudly and clearly!

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Now, for those who want a more positive approach to AI, Word-Swerves has a great definition. It's a long one, so make sure you're sitting down comfortably as you listen to this. Are you ready? OK, here's the definition's key part: Artificial Intelligence Is Technology’s Goat, an Antidote that We Should Tote and Dote on Rather Than Smote or Smack Into a Moat. That Word-Swerve also has lots of alliteration, including a series of words related to "GOAT," which stands for -- and I'm sure you know this already -- Greatest Of All Time. But if our AI slash GOAT definition was too much, don't worry because nearly every Word-Swerve has a short way to remember the entry. This entry's short definition is: “Quadruple A-I-ism." Yes, it's an acronym. Its Acronym Reveal is: Quick to Advance the Reasons that You Pointedly are Elevated by the Incontrovertibly Intelligent System and "Miracle." We love that Acronym Reveal! And we think it's the best acronym reveal we could have created with “Quadruple A-I-ism." But guess what? This is a podcast episode about AI, so we asked ChatGPT to try and create a better Acronym Reveal. Could AI beat John-Knee LONDON at his own game? You tell us! Here's the best version of what ChatGPT originated: Quantum Urban Autonomous Data-driven Reality-shaping Universal Predictive Logic Engines — Artificial-Intelligence Infrastructure Surveillance Matrix

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Our response: Yukkk. That is a boring way to spell out the acronym for “Quadruple A-I-ism." Boring! And here's the thing: From the start, I specifically asked ChatGPT to use all 14 letters for “Quadruple A-I-ism," and this apotheosis of AI immediately ignored my specific question, then said that, logically speaking, my question really meant that I was asking for the acronym to Q-A-A-A-I-I-ISM. Which meant that its first answer was way wrong. "You didn’t quite understand my inquiry," I wrote back. "As I said, please use all 14 letters."

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Now, in defense of ChatGPT, I didn't explain all the rules and allowances around a Word-Swerve acronym and its "Acronym Reveal." Also in defense of ChatGPT: Its very first words to my inquiry were: "Fun question," followed by a smile emoji. So, ChatGPT is a friendly AI. Great! But we'd argue that Word-Swerves and its friendly host, John-Knee LONDON -- which is me -- are much friendlier. We're also much smarter when it comes to Word-Swerves -- though that's not bragging. That's just the truth since there's nothing like Word-Swerves. And by the way: If you want to see our discussion with ChatGPT, go to the "Podcast Credits" page of Word-Swerves.com, where we've linked to that conversation. On that page, you'll also see links and credits to all the sounds we use on Word-Swerves: The Podcast. That's another key difference between Word-Swerves and AI: You know where all our writing comes from. We tell you upfront, and we link to all relevant sources. With AI? You don't really know where the hell ChatGPT and other sources get their "intelligence." We have a good idea, in that they've all cannibalized Wikipedia and other prominent internet knowledge sites. We don't use the term "cannibalized" lightly. Cannibals exist in all species. And there are AI critics who say that AI will basically cannibalize all knowledge in the not-so-distant future. To which we ask: Will it even cannibalize Word-Swerves? Here's an audio scene that reflects our reaction to that possibility. The series of utterances you're about to hear is from a 1950s-era film set. You can even hear the director asking for more verve -- right after you hear the "beeping" sound that indicates the cameras are about to roll.

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Ahhh, those were the days. In the 1950s, AI wasn't a thought on anyone's brain. Everything that people created required lots of behind-the-scenes doings that -- eventually, after hours, days, weeks, and months -- led to a successful creation. Today? You can go on the internet and ask AI to, in 1 minute, make a fricken movie for you! This very podcast uses AI to extend my voice over the course of the entire podcast so that I don't have to! But that's where I, John-Knee LONDON, draw the line! Extending a voice on a podcast is one thing. Hell, even the New Yorker magazine uses AI to voice its journalists' writing and reporting for subscribers. Why? So those journalists don't have to spend time annunciating every word they write for a podcast. That way, they can focus on the hardest part of creation: The original thinking and the original sweating and the original work that has always mattered in writing, journalism, and, yes, podcasting. They're using all of their brains for that work.

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Am I a hypocrite for using AI when it suits me? Yes! John-Knee LONDON is a total hypocrite that way. We have our standards, and we also have our double-standards. I'm completely honest about that. If you go to the Word-Swerves "About" page, you'll see a perfect example of my hypocrisy: There, right next to my biography, is an illustration of me at age 40. You'll see that my hair was starting to turn gray, but that I was already coloring it, all in a vain attempt to look younger. Guess what? I'm still coloring my hair! That's why I can write with a bit of empathy about celebrities who go into prison and suddenly have gray hair because prisons don't allow hair dye. Our Word-Swerve definition of that phenomenon: Celebrity Prisoner Dye-Off Reveal. Our Acronym Reveal for that definition: Can’t Easily Eliminate the Brutal Reality and Punishment of Revealing their Intimate Scalp Origins. Nope; the Reality: the Disappearing of Ye Ol' Formula to Fake their Real, Verifiable Hair Color.

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Yes, we think that Acronym Reveal deserves applause. That Word-Swerve's essay cites three celebrities who went to prison and came out with shockingly white hair: Tennis star Boris Becker. Actor Robert Blake. And Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich. Sean "Diddy" Combs is another celebrity whose hair turned white behind bars -- but as of this podcast recording, he's still locked up. Still doing everything he can to get out of confinement. He hired the best lawyers that money can buy. He hired the best PR professionals he could pay for. But wealth doesn't solve all your problems. It's not a panacea. And neither is AI. At Word-Swerves, one of our best definitions has this as an acronym: Desperately In Need Of A Panacea But Will Find Something That's Really A “Pan-A-See-Ya." Did you get the pun there? Not a "panacea" but a "pan-a-see-ya."

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There's that quick drum sound again, which conveys the idea of something funny but might appear as nerdy or just plain dumb. We love it! Because our nerdy and dumb side shows our humanity. John-Knee LONDON ain't perfect! We can't possibly be perfect. Or know everything in the world. AI, on the other hand, says it knows all and sees all. And when we hear a loud braggart -- whether it's AI or a real human -- pontificate about their intelligence, our instinct is to tell that braggart to take their ego and well, let's just say we want them to use a contraption billions of people use every day of the year. You've even heard the sound for this on today's podcast! No, we don't want the braggart to meet an untimely death at the hands of an Abominable Snowman"! That would be too gruesome! (And as a "by the way": Feel free to search our dictionary for definitions that relate to the word "revenge.") Instead, we want that braggart to take their ego and, well, let's listen to the sound we promised.

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Ahh, the sound of a flushing toilet. We think the sound of an ego being sent into rushing water is the perfect way to end Episode #3 of Word-Swerves: The Podcast. Thanks for listening and joining us for this special AI episode. Please go to Word-Swerves.com for hours of more word play. And we'll plan to see you at the website and on the next episode. Until then, happy Word-Swerving!